Lately, I have been battling with my own thoughts. Whenever I want to be a good person, Evil hinders my way. Whenever I wanted to change, to become as good like god, temptations get even closer to me. This thing keeps me disappointed and it leads me to the idea that I will never do good.
Just few days back, I had a chance to talked with god like the way we used to be before. Okay, lemme explain, I had few encounters with god wherein we talk heart to heart. In silence, I just say what’s in my heart, what’s in my thoughts and when I am in deep concentration I feel his presence. Sometimes I felt it’s a one way communication but afterwards I hear god’s responds in right time.
I was there facing the sacred heart of jesus all alone, and I promised him that I will do good and be like him. Resist all Evil. I am doing this not because I am worried of how people will see me, but because I want my existence to be more meaningful. Day by day I tried hard to be good, to be like him, in a bigger or simplier way. I offered my hands to help and I must say that each day was a fulfilling one. Yet, there’s no end of a day that I give in to evil. Its a constant battle between me being good and evil.
Yesterday, I found myself giving up. I can’t never be good as god. That is why I went to his place and prayed. I asked God how to be like him? How could I bare no grudge and anger with people who throw stone at me, hit me and bring me down? How can I ignore them? How can I say no words at all, when somebody speaks bad at me? How can I sacrifice my own good for others? How can I be content? How can I be like him?
God still remain silent. I was waiting for the right time to come when all my questions will be answered. For the mean while I continously struggle to do good all the time.