If I could only turn back time, I would go back to the time when my grandparents are still with me.
Those were my younger years, my childhood days when I am into world of bliss. My grandma is one of the of the woman who had a great impact in my life. She molded me into the person that I am right now. She taught me all of the first things I could know. She showered me with love that came to the point wherein I am not searching for any motherly love- (since mom was not around) because the love she gave me was already enough.
My grandma also called as nanay Tinang, was the most humble person I had ever known. She was very loving, very caring and shy. I could still remember how she took care of me every time I am sick (coz I am sickly when I am young). She would call the faith healer she knew, she would serve me hot porridge, and she would buy me every thing I asked. She would worry all night long, checking on my temperature till it gets down.
I could still picture her so proud of me when I won that school election for officers. I could still remember how she raised my arms out of happiness, like I won a boxing competition, she even asked my grandpa to buy me a new dress.
She would listened to me as well every time I am practicing my song number at home, she would say “that’s my grand daughter”, she would tell my aunts how good I am, how best I am, She was really proud of me.
Memories like me fixing her hair, or plucking grey hairs on her head while she was giving me advices just can’t slip on my mind. She would say, “When I die, you will miss doing this, Remember all those things that I have taught you”, she would tell me some things like that then I would start crying. Crying like I don’t know why but I was crying because I had fears of losing her.
While I was writing this, I can’t help to wipe tears that kept on running down my eyes. When I was forced to move out with my Dad and leave grandma, I would hear stories like my grandma would call our names one by one, and she would ask us to go for dinner. (T,T)
Till one day, the fear, my fear of losing her happened. It was the saddest part of my life. The last time I saw her, was at her hospital bed, she can’t talk, she can’t see me, she can’t hear me, but I know she knows my presence, She know that I was there, I know she was happy deep inside to see me. The woman who took care of me, the last time I saw her was the time when I know that that fear of losing her was getting closer.
Days after I visited her, Dad informed me that she was gone. I wept, I cried and memories with her just kept on flashing that time.
Last October 1 was her 11 year death anniversary. I just can’t believed it that it was 11 years ago, there were still nights when I cried at my bed missing her, there are days when something just reminds me of her and I missed her so much. Still there were times when I just talk to her as if she was just around. Her face, her voice, everything about her was still fresh as the days when I am still young.
Too bad, I haven’t kept a picture of her, but its no used… coz the memories with her here in my heart will remain forever, that no paper can ever replace.
To my Nanay Tinang,
I missed you so much and wherever you are now, I hope you are happy with how and what I am doing. Your advices are truly treasured. The trick you taught me about tying a coin on my stomach so I won’t be nervous on special occasions, I still apply. Your memories will remain forever that even when I had my own family and have my own kids I will tell them about you and how good you are that you turned me into a person who I am like now. I love you Nanay and I know that one day, I’ll soon meet you there and Tatay Anong. I missed you both so much and I know that even if you’re gone, you’re just up there watching over me.
I love you.
*this entry is still part of those five girls in my life post series*