Two drafts for today

Three for yesterday.

What the hell is happening to me?

I was trying to write since yesterday, I tried writing few lines as my intro then my thoughts shifts. Then I started another one but my thoughts were just fleeting that I ended up saving all this articles in my drafts.

What is happening with me? Why can’t I write?

Why can’t I compose all this thoughts in my mind?

I have so many ideas, yes… but because it was too many I can’t simply focus on one. Thoughts just mixed up in my brain and end up in turmoil.

This is the reason why I missed a post yesterday. So what now? If I’ll get stuck with these thoughts in my mind I never get writing again.

So I’ll just write here freely, no specific topics, just purely rants.

Some work related issues bothering me. (T,T). I’m turning one year here in this company and I’m starting to feel like I want to try new field but I still simply can’t resign unless there will be a sure job offer waiting for me. I want to try a career in writing but if I apply as a writer in a certain company, would that company trust me and hire me knowing that it is not the course I took in college and I don’t have any experience?

I want to be a magazine article contributor or an article writer or a content writer but before when I had the opportunity I just let it slipped away on my hand I and let it go. I have self trust issues. I actually don’t believe in my self. I hate to admit it but it’s the truth…

I mean I know I can do it but I fear of the what if’s… What if I can’t finish the project, what if I do it wrong, What if my grammar sucks, what if I fail them? So many what if’s in my mind that it makes me sick and in the end makes me reject the opportunities coming.

Remember that job fair I attended at our college? I got selected in that content writing job but because of my fears and anxieties I did reject it.

Now I’m here, in front of this computer wishing that I am doing another job, another job which I will enjoy doing and that is in the field of writing. Gee… If only we had money way back on my college days, I would definitely choose mass communication or journalism as my course but because we didn’t, I’m a failure of my own dreams.

Next, I wanted to become a photo blogger. Eeeessshh and that will only be fulfilled if I have my own camera. a DSLR maybe.. So I did asked Mr. Google for Pricelist of Canon, Sony and Fuji DLSR I was like (0,0) shocked.. Hahaha.. Maybe I’ll start with something small lol like a digital camera… l in such way I can afford or maybe my phone’s camera… (Good for a beginner). (><)

If there is one thing in the world which is free of charge and limitless it is Dreaming. That’s why people would often say Dream Big, Dream High. True. But without actions dreams would only remain as dreams forever.

I’m still not giving up with that writing career of mine. For me, it is my pursuit to happiness, and at least I’m working on my dream to be fulfilled. Someday, in the near future I will be…

I can be a writer.

For now, let me just tag myself as a blogger (blogger with mash up thoughts) 🙂

Plus that dream of mine to become a Photo Blogger… I’ll be soon called one… Even without DLSR camera. But I will buy a DSLR camera too… in time and I’ll take pictures all over the world, all of the places, people, animals, beaches, all of it.

I’m still young and there will be more opportunities to come. I will still have many dreams to dream and all I have to do is to filter what I truly want out of that million dreams.

Just like filtering some thoughts here in my mind which outputs this entry.