She Writes

inspirations. transformations. life experiences.

The Unchangeable — October 22, 2011

The Unchangeable

It is wisely said that the only thing we have the consistent power to change is ourselves. We are free to modify how we see the world, how we react to life’s situations, how we view and interact with other people. We can all have the freedom to change our principles, character, beliefs and how we see and do things. We do change with ease because the only person whom we have to deal is our own selves.

What if we are asked to change someone or somebody? How hard it is? Or is it even possible? At some moment we are face into such situations, where in we tend to change somebody for their betterment (that is what our parents usually do). They tend to mold us with a person who is not really us. They want to change us with a person which they want to see, whom they can accept and deal of easily. Therefore we say, “Be like this, Do like this, Think like this!”. We change them with our own hands(which we are incapable of doing) not knowing that we are evading their own identity.

Is it really possible that we change the unchangeable? Let’s say a person who grew up to be a gambler, can we really turn him into a good samaritan? He might change yes, but we dont take the credit for his change.

I strongly believed that it is when we set out to change “others” that we encounter frustrations and disappointments. I guess a word of encouragement at the right moment can work as magic. Negative criticisms tears down and overtime reinforces the same negative acts it attempts to correct. If we really want to help someone to change, the best thing we can do is to set a variety of dishes to that person in one table, invite him to partake as many foods we can offer, allowing him the prerogative to accept or reject, without any judgement. It is his own initiative,own enthusiasm and courage that will take him to change. Changing others totally never lies in others hands. It comes out naturally in ourselves. Anything less than this is courting tragedy.

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Whom do you hold for change? (thoughts after storm) — September 28, 2011

Whom do you hold for change? (thoughts after storm)

Other times we maybe quite happy with an imposed change. It can be easier for us if the change is thrust upon us, such as when one partner in an unhappy relationship makes the decision first and leaves, or when we are made redundant from a job we disliked. We are absolved from making the decision. If things do not turn as we planned we can blame circumstances or oftentimes other people for what happens rather than ourselves. When a change is imposed we don’t have to face the prospect of making wrong decision of being responsible. We were forced into it. Strangely enough, if circumstances force us to make a change that proves to be very successful we are usually more happy to take credit for the outcome ourselves. Some of us only like to take the responsibility for our actions when we look like heroes. When we don’t look so good we like to blame the situation to others.